My Aloneness

I sat one day and watched

watched and waited

waited and waited

waited

and i felt

felt alone and lonely

how could that be

you love me

you say you do

but i am lonely

a moment

but you rushed on by

a moment

but you stopped to

i don’t even know what

but it wasn’t me

i waited

waited

waited

until I could wait no more

i reached for you

and though you were there

you were gone

and i waited

it must be me

that is only lonely

it must be me

that can’t keep busy

it must be me

that needs to reach for you

and draw you in

but it can’t be me

it must be you

you must see i’m lonely

you must see me alone

but you rush on by

i reach for you

the lightest of touches

the faintest of glances

and you notice

smile

and are gone

and the gone

is good for you

it has to be

it needs to be

but you are gone

so i reach

for the lonely

for the aloneness

and wrap it

around me

and dive

deep

into aloneness

and find

a maze

a bewildering maze

of me

full of me

surrounded by me

i wander slowly through me

searching

amazed at who i am

amazed at what there is

that i’d never seen before

that seemed impossible and unknown

aloneness I know

aloneness i feel

and i follow the scent of loneliness

the lingering tease of being by myself

deep into me

and find

wonder

amazement

and delight

the loneliness that is me

is me

and only me

there is beauty in my aloneness

and my loneliness weeps from it

i stare in amazement

that something so extraordinary

could be so deep and so radiant

I must show you

what i have found

that my aloneness is me

and my loneliness

was my guide

but

the bustle

the need

the perfect right

to be you

will you see

what i see

see the beauty of my aloneness

does it matter

i still sit

i still sit

i still watch and wait

wait and wait

but now i have

something else

and i stand

stand with you

and show you

and you stare in wonder

i never knew

neither did i

i’m still alone

i still feel lonely

but now

I know

that you are too

and that aloneness

is full

of wonder and delight

for me to find

and for you to find too

(C) Copyright Luke Visser 2015 (written April 2015)