Thursday 11 December 2014

Monday 1 December 2014

Chocolates and Advocaat

love never dies
a heart is never broken
the pain may be unbearable
the sadness without depth
but love never dies
and a heart is never broken
unless a choice is made
to turn away from love


it’s fascinating to remember
how it all began
unexpected delightful spirited
someone I never knew
for a time a loving partner
beauty beyond compare
and now a complete stranger
your beauty still beyond compare


how did you change
why did you change
the world was cruel to us
finding a stranger in our places
let me go back
let us go back
there is no going back


you chose to turn away from love
the choice was made for you
the pain you bore
the sadness grew
from family, life and war
they never left
they never dimmed
and we could find no way


your mind it broke
you could not see
the love i felt for you
how can a mind delude itself
to seeing someone in my place
you hated him
because of him
you hated me


my love never dies
my heart is never broken
your pain too deep
the hurt too much
your sadness never ending
all i can give
to show my love
chocolates and advocaat


the nurse she said
when he passed on
the little man
with his white hair
he always gave
and made for sure
chocolates and advocaat
she had in plenty


his love never died
his heart at times was broken
his pain was deep
from joy
and sadness too
his love as stubborn
as the man he was


a walk of love
that in the end
chocolates and advocaat

(C) Copyright Luke Visser 2014 (written Nov 2014)

Sunday 16 November 2014

Let me forget

let me forget
the horrors that i lived
the painful memories that i carry
let me forget
the feelings that arose
so deep, so deep and painful
let me forget
that now, who i am, was forever changed


just fifteen when war broke out
when others took my country from me
took my life, my hopes
took my family, my friends
shattered them and forever changed them
let me forget that world


a night of restful sleep i could never have
we harboured those they feared
one night a week
sleep would be shattered
a face demanding to know where they were hidden
one night in very, very few
it was the face of the monger
the answer the same
though i lied and lied and lied
let me forget that face


a night of restful sleep would never come
the night sky full of angry drones
the scream of sirens
the crash of bombs
just one
just one
might be loosed at me
let me forget those nights


a night of restful sleep was far away
as I roamed the land free at night
to call in the drones that come tonight
to organise and to resist
it was not free
bound by hedges, roads and trees
in fields wide open
in woods with trees
the monger always looking
let me forget being hunted


one day i was caught
but only suspected
held in the monger’s domain
for what seemed hours i waited and waited
would their glances turn into hate
they'd caught what they wanted but didn't yet know
at end of shift it was sure to change
the receptionist let me free
my name was not listed when i was brought in
the simple resistance of a pen unmoved
let me forget what i escaped


my beloved and i embraced each other
but a few times in a year
always stilted, excited from so many days spent apart
each time that we met
this might be the last
last touch
last kiss
last glance
let me forget that desperate embrace


so many years on
but still so very clear
the horrors of that time
the vision of war
the incredible carnage of life and labour
the smell of living, dying and decay
the scream of anger, fear and pain
are memories that linger still
to be triggered, remembered and dealt with again and again
by simple, simple things


we are entwined with the past
memories, feelings, words and pictures
i will always remember
i can never forget


help me to forget
help me to transform
those memories, feelings, times
into distant dim ones


through
little kindnesses
smiles, tenderness, time
to me and to those that need to forget
to everyone you meet
family, friend or stranger


make this your place
where memories and feelings
are to be treasured
enjoyed and shared
where we want to remember


i've lived in the world where
memories should be but cannot be forgotten
i've lived in a world where
feelings go beyond what i can bear
i've lived in a world where
those that should be loved are hated
through insecurity and fear


you don't want that world
i know you don't
i've lived it for you sadly


be kind, be gentle and always remember
everyone has a family
hopes like you
and dreams like you
those that destroy them are just like those that i fought
even if they are just like you


be kind, be gentle, be generous


and


let me forget
so that you never need to forget
too



This is a reflection on Remembrance Day and how my mum and dad struggled with both it and Anzac Day.  They did not want to remember, stories of WWII where far and few between and particularly treasured by a teenage me that was enamoured by that war.  I can't imagine what it was like for them when I made plastic 1:72 models of instruments of war had they lived with daily during those six years.
My dad was an onderduiker (underground) radio operator.  He in allied terms was extremely precious as communications in those days was not quite like today.  The mobile phone of the day would have filled a large backpack and probably weighed in excess of 15kg.  The mortality rate was 90% as the axis considered them to be what we would now call terrorists.
My mum helped harbour jews in a farm in the countryside.  The Book Thief gives you a tiny glimpse into what life would have been like for her and the family she lived with.

To give context, they were just 15 when the war started and 21 when it finished.

(C) Copyright Luke Visser 2014 (written Nov 2014)

Sunday 26 October 2014

Companion

dismay, delight
frustration, exhilaration


how can you be here
how can you be in this place
a haven
but so completely away from my life


you're not here
you can't be here


how can
silence
wind
solitude
be the companion that waits for me here


but you are here
the scent of you is here


i shake my head
it's the island
it's plants, the trees, the flora of the island that i smell
it's not you


i lay back on the deck
silently, quietly
the wind continues to caress my skin
and the fog sweeps back in


it overwhelms the stars
the moon succombs too
it is all gone
just the wind
the fog and i


shaking my head
didn't help
not one little bit
you're still there


alone


forever, my forever, it really has been forever
i have known you
the scent is still there
it's been entwined in my life
hidden all the time
but always there


i draw it in
deeply
allowing it to enter me deeply


it's strange how it calls to me
it's strange how it seems so familiar
i could swear this was the first time
i had ever known you


alone


gone
it's gone
the wind is gone
the fog is back and encompassing
gone too
are you
my aloneness is gone


much to do
a boat doesn't look after itself
scrubbing
tending
lines to be checked
each rope, each sheet, each line
carefully checked, caressed and treated with tenderness


my life depends on this boat
carries me through life
bears me safely through the waters
needs to be cared for


the sails
laid out and checked
stress points eased
a fold that may turn into a tear
smoothed and laid back to rest


the wood
the most beautiful part
grained and worn
oiled and sanded


i hesitate
that wind
is back
the scent is back
arghhhhhh


back to tending
forget the scent
forget the wind


working from the bow to the stern
oiling the wood
feeling the grain
drawing out the fine tones of the wood
from the weather and sea worn timbers


it takes time
to tend to a boat
but once done
beautiful


i stand and admire
bathed in the moon light
bathed in the star light
the fog is gone again
i barely noticed
i didn't notice


alone with my boat
my companion
made of wood, rope and sail


the wind still lingers
if the boat is my companion
the wind is


fickle, sensuous and ever present
powerful, persuasive
tempting


the wind draws me from safety
into adventure
into storms
into beauty


life stands still when there is no wind
life becomes bland
the more powerful
the more persuasive
the bigger the adventure


and carries you
you who have always been there
carries you to me
and me to where
where does the wind carry me


alone


with my companion


oiled
sweaty
stained
tired
and weary


my companion looks beautiful
for our next adventure


alone


fleetingly
you're there again
that wind
bringing you to me
i hate the wind
i love the wind


movement
on the shore
on the beach


why would i think
i was alone
the sounds of the sky
the sounds of the sea
and the sounds of the land
flow in on me


why would i think that
there are many around
in the sea, in the air and on the land
amazing
that i missed them
immersed in myself
and my companion


they are all around
everywhere
fish
birds
crabs
noises everywhere
movement everywhere


and you
on the shore
is it you
on the shore
it is you
on the shore


always
i have known you
and the wind
has brought me to you


alone
both alone




(C) Copyright Luke Visser 2014 (written Oct 2014)